Big Yellow Taxi
by rawpotato
Summary: Spontaneous Proclamations of Love. When someone is about to die, they feel the need to confess their love. After Castle gets shot will he confess his feelings, or will Beckett? Because if he dies, a part of her will too.
1. Love and Lust

**_"I can be the one.  
_****_I will never let you fall (let you fall).  
I'll stand up with you forever.  
I'll be there through it all (through it all).  
Even if saving you sends me to heaven.  
It's okay. It's okay. It's okay."  
- Your Guardian Angel -- Red Jumpsuit Apparatus_**

Kate Beckett had cursed God a million times that Richard Castle was her shadow. She cursed the mayor, she cursed the captain, and from time to time she even cursed Ryan and Esposito for laughing with him.

Then at other times, like this moment, she was thanking God that he was her shadow.

The man certainly had his moments. Times when everything she had ever thought about him just flew out the window and was replaced with feelings of other things. Things that were an awful lot like falling in love. Or at least a very strong resemblance to falling in love.

"Who should I make it out to?" His self described sultry voice was low as he knelt beside the old lady and took out his pen. Besides his willingness to always make time for the fans, he had a way with people that often had Beckett second guessing her opinion of him.

"Oh deary, just make it out to 'Ruth' and we'll be okay." The gray haired woman smiled down at him and pinched his cheek as he signed his pen flew across the page. His smile widened as he leaned forward and kissed her cheek.

Kate felt her own smile spread her lips at the image and the warm fuzzy feeling that had spread through her. He had done that on a few occasions, caused some warmth and affection to spread through her.

Granted it was a welcome relief from the cold disposition he usually left her with, the temperature change just made the warm that much more shocking and inviting.

She swallowed thickly as he got back on his feet and stood beside her replacing his ever ready pen in his pocket.

"You two make quite the cute couple." Kate nearly choked on her breath at the older woman's words, and was quick to respond:

"Oh were not." Castle had said the same sentiment with her, and Kate's cheeks were warmed now with the rising blush that was there. Normally she didn't blush, or was angry at people when they said those words, but in this moment she too had been thinking the same thing.

"Pish posh." The woman began and Kate looked at Castle in shook. His face too was red with a blush, which cause her own cheeks to warm a bit more. "You're both healthy young folk. Why not jump in the sack. This Mr Castle writes a mean sultry scene. Climb that mountain while you can."

Kate was infinitely glad that the woman hadn't said, _"Save a horse, ride a cowboy."_She might literally have died of embarrassment. Which she was sure would slowly kill her if Castle was around long enough.

The both watched in stunned silence as the woman turned her wheelchair and rolled off down the street, the normal crush of bodies on a New York street parting for the woman as if she were Moses.

"Did you tell her-" She began, only to be cut off by his terse reply.

"Of course not Beckett." So his sultry voice soothed her nerves a little, which only further angered her, because she was a grown woman who didn't swoon at men's voices.

Or swoon a lot, at any rate.

"I have never, and I am being totally honest, implied that you and I are otherwise involved. I don't think my reputation could handle it. You are a fine upstanding woman. I usually only go for the trashy ladies. Much more image conscious you see."

Kate wondered if he sensed the thinly veiled compliment he threw in there as much as she did. Choosing instead to ignore it, for fear of having to reply in kind, she started off down the street in the opposite direction of the elderly fan, hoping to distance herself from the implications that she should become another notch on his bedpost.

"Come on Castle," She called over her shoulder, "There is a fabulous grocery just around the corner and I want to pick up some oranges."

She didn't turn to see him following her, but instinctively knew that he had. He was always following her. Even when she told him to stay in the car.

"Detective Beckett, are you telling me that you actually eat fruit? I've only ever seen you consume take-out or coffee. I didn't know you could process anything real." His voice contained it's usually child-like joy and mischief and despite her better intentions she felt herself swoon just a little as she rolled her eyes.

"Shut up Castle." She responded weakly, still feeling his overwhelming presence behind her. She could always sense when he was near, even when they were both silent, could feel the essence that was Richard Castle. She'd kind of gotten used to it as well, in fact missed it when he wasn't around.

So she knew, without having to look that he was right behind her, smiling even, following her every step. He was a lot like a puppy that way. Following the hand that gave it attention. Though she tried not to be one of his drooly little fan-girls, she couldn't help the fact that she was attracted to him.

She controlled it yes, but that didn't stop her body from reacting when he was around.

"Castle what's the difference between 'love' and 'lust'?" She asked, wondering what his answer would be. As far as she saw the only people he loved were his mother and Alexis. Himself too, but she was sure that was absorbed from the legion of strangers that loved him.

"About two feet." He responded quickly. She turned sharply to see how far the distance between them was. Already in the grocery, he was on the aisle over looking at some processed package, and not even looking at her. She had thought that his answer might have been a reference to them, but he was at least five feet away, maybe more.

Turning back to her oranges, she rolled her eyes at herself, and the disappointment knowing that he wasn't talking about them.

"What do you mean?" She asked her fruit.

"You know," She really didn't, so she turned to look at him hoping his body language would spell it out better for her. When she looked at him, deep azure eyes looked back at her and she felt her temperature rise a little. One of his hands was on his chest covering where she could only imagine his shrivelled heart rested; while his other hand covered his groin. "Here to here, about two feet. Less for a little person, more for Yao Ming who is like six million feet tall."

Despite herself she laughed and went back to choosing her fruit. It felt odd shopping with him, but they had been in the area, and she really did love this place. It had been on her beat when she was a uniform, and the elderly couple that ran it always had a cup of coffee for the nice officer that had caught the robber who tried to get away with a case of beer and a fistful of cash.

"I am ready to go Beckett." He was smiling like a child, and no wonder considering what he held in his hand. An ice cream bar and a bottle of soda. Though the items were essentially Castle, she found herself craving the ice cream rather than the oranges.

"Me too." She held up her own oranges and strawberries, and they headed for the lone checkout.

When they neared the till a man burst into the store holding a gun and wearing a ski mask. Her hand immediately went for her gun, dropping her fruit, but a second robber was at her side instantly pointing his own gun at her.

Castle made a sound and she tried to cover his body with hers. Waiver or no waiver, she was now more than personally concerned for his safety. She didn't know what would happen if he got injured, what with Alexis and his mother depending on him, and her own need to have him around.

"Don't even think about it lady." The one robber beside her sneered through his mask, and the anger within her rose. She could hardly catch a break.

"Give me all the money." The first man pointed a gun with one hand and held out his other hand towards Mr Greenwood, the owner of the store.

Before she could even try and talk them down the door opened, and both of the robbers turned their guns toward the door and Kate took her moment and tackled the guy that was standing beside her. His gun went off and she was showered with plaster from the steering wheel.

Screams filled her ears, and more gun shots went off as she saw from the corner of her eye a blue flash fly by her towards the first robber. She knew it was Castle, and once again cursed him for not staying behind her where it was safe.

Still fighting for control of the gun between her and the man, she looked over his shoulder and saw Castle laying on the floor fighting the other one for the gun. Part of her realised that he was doing a good job of not getting himself killed, the other was still cursing him for doing something stupid like that.

Seconds later another gunshot sounded, moments after the doorbell rang again distracting the man she was fighting enough that she was able to gain the upper hand and punch him in the face while pulling the gun out of his grip and pointing it at him.

"Castle are you okay?" She called, quickly forcing him onto his stomach and cuffing him. "Castle?" She asked again finally looking at where he had been struggling with the other robber. What she saw chilled her blood.

He was leaning against the counter the register sat on, his face contorted with pain. Putting the safety of the gun she stuffed it in the waistband of her jeans, she rushed to him and quickly kneeled at his side.

He held the gun in his blood soaked hand which was lying on the ground pointed at where she had just come from, while his left hand was pressed against his abdomen, blood escaping between the white fingers there. She knew instantly that he had been shot, and her blood chilled her as she pressed her own hands to his abdomen.

"I don't think so."

* * *

_**Disclaimer: **Anyone else ever notice how sad it is to constantly write that you don't own something. I mean it's just constant reaffirmation that you are basically poor in the ways of owning things that people thing are awesome. Which, let's face it, fanfiction is all about. So no, I don't own Castle. Or any of the characters. I am, however, from the same town as Nathan Fillion. So I think that I should get at least one share in the Castle market. Only fair right?_

_**AN: **This here is my first attempt at a Castle story. I don't know how I did. I kind of like a whole host of things, but you know. It's hard to find them sometimes.  
Wait that's totally a lie. This is not my first Castle story. It's the first that I am putting up on FF. Most of the other stuff is meaningless fluff that I wanted to read, and hadn't been done.  
So, really this is like... the fifth or something Castle story. But the first on FF. *breaks champagne bottle*  
Mosltov!  
Also.... this feels... dry to me. Like a really bad cliche. Does anyone else feel that way?  
Should I even continue with it? (If the answer is 'no' I'll post a second chapter with the outline that I have prepared so you all know how it ends.)_

_Happy hunting. Oh, and can I ask for a review? It would be appreciated._


	2. Spontaneous Proclamations of Stuff

"_**You're not alone. Together we stand.  
I'll be by your side, you know I'll take your hand.  
When it gets cold, and it feels like the end.  
There's no place to go, you know I won't give in. (No I won't give in).  
Keep holding on. Because you know I'll make it through.  
Just stay strong. Because you know I'm here for you."  
-- Keep Holding On – Glee Cast Version.**_

"Officer Kate, you need phone 911?" The old man asked, and a sarcastic instantly rose to Richard Castles lips. Of course it was instantly overridden by a shooting pain in his stomach.

Pun totally intended.

"Yes." Rick could hear the desperation her monosyllabic plea, and a part of him rejoiced that she was concerned for his safety. Though why shouldn't she be, he was. He'd just been shot, and he knew that he would never again have a character get shot. It was painful. And he had never really done it justice in his 27 plus novels.

"Beckett. I don't feel so hot." She was straddling his hips, a whole host of inappropriate comments scurried through his mind at the implications, but her hands were pressed firmly against his abdomen, hopefully stemming the flow of blood from the gaping wound there.

Her deep green eyes looked into his, and he remarked how childishly inappropriate he could be in what was obviously a dire situation, but he couldn't help it. Detective Beckett always brought out the worst in him in these situations. He reasoned that it was because he had real feelings for her, feelings that she would probably never return, and he was protecting himself.

In an odd sense of the world, it was more truth than he usually admitted about his real feelings.

"You don't look so good Castle." Her voice still held its desperate note, but it had softened as she turned to face him.

"Not ruggedly handsome?" He asked, hoping to inject a note of hope into her. She looked utterly despondent, and it was physically painful for him to see. Usually she was a composed woman, strong to a fault, and yet here she sat, face contorted with something her couldn't read.

Or something he was unwilling to define.

"Nope." She shook her head with a sad smile, and he was almost certain he saw a tear slip out of her eye. He refused to believe it, so instead.

In the back of his mind he wondered where the ambulance was. His body had gone cold, a terrible cliché he'd had using until he realised that it was truth. He knew that he was probably in grave danger right now, he could no longer feel his legs, hadn't felt them since he got shot, and his hands were starting to shake.

The motions caused the gun he was holding to clatter against the ground every now and then, casing Beckett to look at his hand, worry lining on her face. "You need to put the gun down Castle."

He nodded, pain flaring in his side. Every breath he took was a reminder that he'd been shot, another painful reminder that he may not get to see the outside of this dungy little grocery again.

"I can't." He stammered out, finally aware that he probably shouldn't be taking this as lightly as he had been for the past few minutes.

He tried to open his fingers to drop the offending weapon, he really didn't like guns, but they refused to open to release it. "Beckett I can't."

One of her hands pressed harder against his abdomen, while she reached across him and gently untangled his fingers from around the gun. He had grabbed it to protect her as best he could, but he had forgotten that she was Kate Beckett, and didn't need him to protect her. He'd done a lousy job anyway.

She pushed the gun away from him, and his hand shook all the more violently as she pressed her hand back against his side more firmly. They fell into silence as she sat close to him, their hands entwined as they covered his bullet wound.

In the distance Rick could hear the faint wail of the siren and the elderly man hustled over them out the door calling over his shoulder. "Officer Kate, I go get ambulance."

Kate nodded then turned her eyes back to him, and he smiled, the motion causing him to lose a great deal of strength. "Officer Kate?" he inquired, hoping to distract her from the looks of hopelessness she was laying on him.

"Yeah, from when I was in a uniform." She told him simply. Never before had she simply shared something with him so quickly. That knowledge shocked him, and he swallowed thickly, gathering his strength to say what he knew he needed to say.

In movies, television, even books, when a character is on his death bed, wither real or not, he always feels the need to say his last great words. Words of love, of passion, of sorrow, or even of regret. No matter what he says, they are the words that a person held onto to last moment of their life.

He had many things that he regretted. Many things that caused him sorrow, but the cards he'd held closest to his chest were all things that involved love and passion.

"Kate?" He began; knowing that using her first name would draw her attention and focus onto him completely. It was an odd occasion that she let him use her first name, and he did so now, hoping only that she would listen to him, and do as he asked.

"I need—" his body was entirely weak and words, which he was normally so good with, escaped him. He couldn't form a sentence that didn't involve him telling her how much she meant to him.

She nodded and he swallowed again, his lips suddenly dry. "Tell Alexis... tell her... I'm sorry. And that..." Now he could feel tears forming in his own eyes. He mentally chided himself for being so cavalier about this in the beginning.

He should have used his words carefully. Should have saved them for Alexis. But he couldn't be mad at himself. He had gotten a smile out of Beckett, and most days that was all that he aimed for. Seeing his Detective Beckett, tough, over-worked, amazing Kate smile.

The sirens were growing louder and her hands pressed harder against him, and he could feel himself slipping.

"Tell her what Castle? What do you need me to tell Alexis?" She was practically screaming at him, and the desperation in her voice was back ten-fold and now he didn't have to wonder if he had imagined the tears. Her eyes were swimming in them and forcing trails down her cheek. Foolishly he wanted to reach up and wipe them away, but he could barely form words.

"Love her... That I love... love her... And mother... Love her... too." His voice felt weak, and he was prepared to give into the darkness that was threatening to overtake him.

"Don't give up on me Castle." Her words were accompanied by the screech of tires on asphalt and the blaring wail of a siren.

She leaned close and pressed a quick kiss to his lips. He couldn't even muster the strength to be shocked or kiss her back as she moved off of him, and thick black boots started laying him flat. His vision faded in and out, and sounds came at him as if from under water.

Through the haze of his vision he searched for Beckett. He couldn't tell her legs from the legs of anyone else, so he did what he could to get her back. He called for her. "Kate."

His voice barely made the sound, but suddenly one of the paramedics had his ear by his face as he was putting a collar around his neck. "What'd you say buddy?"

"Kate." He asked again, this time no sound being made. Obviously the guy understood what he was asking for, because the next second Rick heard his voice ask. "Who's Kate?"

Beckett's face came back above his and he wanted to smile, but the paramedics had covered his mouth with an oxygen mask. He wanted to reach for her, but his arms had been strapped to his chest. Her face got closer as he was raised off the floor, and wheeled out through the doors.

Lights started flashing in his eyes, and he was wondering what was happening to him. Never had he heard stories of people seeing flashing lights as they were about to die, just the old fading vision, which was affecting him and the cold. Then slowly his mind processed the sounds of the paramedics and Kate yelling at what could only be tabloid reporters clamouring over each other to get a shot of him.

Out of the corner of his eye he saw a man flail to the ground and Kate was back in his field of vision climbing into the ambulance beside him.

The darkness was consuming him and more last words for Kate sprang to his mind, so he mustered his strength, hoping that this wouldn't be her last memory of him, but knowing that if it was, she needed to know how he truly felt.

Thankfully, with the words he felt as if his body had been endued with a shot of adrenaline and strength.

"Kate." He began from under the mask and she bent forward, tears still filling her eyes as her blood covered hands removed the mask from his mouth. He swallowed summoning all the strength he could. "I'm sorry for not staying in the car."

She laughed and he cursed her as he felt a smile come to him. He pushed it away and went on. "Keep Alexis safe. She's going to need you..." His strength waned, and he closed his eyes, praying that the crushing darkness would allow him this one last moment of honest with Detective Beckett. "She'll need your strength. Just like I do."

She said nothing, instead placed the mask back on his face, and he felt the darkness press on him, and the air chill him as he felt her lean forward next to him. Her warm breath felt a welcome relief against his ear, and the last thing he heard before the darkness over took him was her soft voice whispering.

"You have it Rick. You have me."

**

Kate leaned back against the wall as the paramedic pushed past her towards Castle. A loud beep sounded, the heart monitor attached to Castle blaring it's warning that the writer's heart had stopped beating.

"Drive faster!" The paramedic working on him ordered.

Kate pressed herself against the cold metal of the ambulance side as the vehicle sped up. Her world rapidly spinning out of control to the tune of Richard Castle's stopped heart.

* * *

_**Disclaimer: **I don't own Castle. Which is lame. Because it is a good show. I do however own Season 1 on DVD. It's fantastic. _

_**AN: **I was actually going to wait a week to post this, but then I thought, "Hey dude, don't be so mean. Wouldn't you hate that ending. There's like, no closure. People need closure dude."  
Then I thought, "Well if that's gonna make people read more... give 'em a bigger hook."  
Devoted Readers meet Big Hook. Big Hook... meet the people speared on your end!  
*enter evil laugh here.*  
Sorry about this. But I'll get right to work on the next chapter, because honestly, this is killing me too.  
Granted I know what is going to happen, but still.  
I mean.... how do people handle the pressure?  
More importantly, how to TV producers sleep at the end of a season? I mean hello cliffhangers.  
But to answer that second question, quite well I imagine. Because they are TV producers and rich, rich, RICH.  
Money equals nice comfy beds._

_Now that I've rambled... have a nice day._

_Oh... and happy hunting._

_**AN2: **Even this was a kind of mean thing to do... will you please leave me a review? They make me happy._


	3. Steady Beat

"_**We're pulling apart and coming together again and again.  
**__**We're growing apart but we pull it together, pull it together, together again.  
**__**Don't let me go**__**. **__**Don't let me go**__**. **__**Don't let me go."  
-- Never Say Never -- The Fray**_

Kate didn't know what to think.

She knew what her mind was trying to think, but she wouldn't allow it.

So instead of focusing on the sound that haunted her, she focused on her hands instead. Covered in dry, startling red blood, her hands shook under the scalding hot tap water. She didn't mind the burning temperature, or the possibility of second degree burns, she wanted _his_ blood off her hands.

She could still hear it; the monotonous blare of a stopped heart filled the air, and filled her head with horrible thoughts. Thoughts of him lying on that gurney, his body lifeless, and his head lolled to the side, eyes dark and vacant.

"_Stop it Katherine!" _She commanded herself. That line of thought wouldn't get her away from the rest of her memories pressing in on her.

The flecks of blood on the back of her hand wouldn't wash off, and as hard as she scrubbed, it wouldn't leave her. Then it hit her, all of the memories she been trying not to think about hit her, and knocked her already weak knees from under her.

She backed herself to the wall and slid down it until she was sitting there, sobbing, holding her head in her hands.

Even though Castle hadn't died, she felt the same hole of abyss crushing on her that she felt when she learned of her mother's death. The officer on her doorstep that night had conveyed words of solace; words which she knew then provided little to nothing of what they were intended.

So instead of fighting it this time, she surrendered herself into the hole, knowing that she would need all of her strength to climb back out. Hopefully that would be the difference in this case.

It was odd, she knew, to feel this way over a man that she claimed not to care about, but her heart was breaking into a million little pieces as she sobbed on the floor.

She hated that she was crying. Not that she was crying for Castle, that part was already filed under 'Odd' anyways, but that she was crying at all. She was Kate Beckett, she didn't cry.

Then again, she wouldn't exactly call this crying. It was more of a free-fall into despair feeling what her heart would be like without Richard Castle to annoy it. Annoy was an awfully strong word, considering that if she were simply annoyed by him she wouldn't be convulsing with emotions right now.

Eventually, she pulled herself together enough to stand again, and place herself in front of the mirror. There she stood, pale and shaking with the residual emotions she was feeling.

She knew that she had to pull herself together, for Alexis' sake. Her father wasn't dead, wouldn't die according to the optimistic paramedics, despite the fact that his heart had stopped in the ambulance.

She tried to harness that optimism, to make it her own, but she couldn't seem to grasp it enough. Everything she thought she had a hold on it, the slippery beast would slip further away from her flailing grasp. Evading her in the worst possible way.

Going back to the scrub brush that she had previously abandoned and got back to work on her hands. The hospital had provided her with a pair of scrubs to change into, her own clothes caked with blood.

The pale green did nothing for her, but she could barely stand the fleck of blood on the back of her hand, she wouldn't be able to handle wearing the blood soaked jeans. He'd given her his last words; she couldn't wear the remnants of that on her legs.

Clipping her badge to the elastic waistband of her new pants, and stowing her gun in the pocket of the pants and left the bathroom carrying her soiled clothes in the plastic bag they had provided. It felt to carry her possessions this way, but it was the way her world was going. The last hour had been an emotional rollercoaster and carrying her things like this felt like she was dragging herself away from an excruciating ride.

Moving towards the waiting room where she'd been instructed to wait as she was forced away from Castle's side, she let herself fall into a chair waiting for Alexis to come. Ryan and Esposito were picking her up from school, and they knew where to bring her.

Fortunately she had never been in this position for a partner from work before, but both of her boys had, and they knew the path well.

The waiting room as an odd place, she thought to herself. Where the hustle and bustle of the outside world was hushed by a precedent of expectations of the people in the room. A family's hope and dreams for their loved on hung in the balance in the unnaturally quiet room, and speaking in anything above a whisper was almost taboo.

Understandably so, but it was still odd. When she was in the room, the only thing that she wanted to do was scream at the top of her lungs. A cough sounded from somewhere to her right as if the patron could sense her thoughts and was scolding her for them.

So instead of giving in to her urge to scream, she steeled herself against the other desires that flowed through her. Part of her wanted to run away, to protect herself from feeling the things she was feeling. The other part just wanted to break down and cry again. She had stopped her tears knowing that Alexis could not see her cry.

According to Castle she needed to be strong for his daughter, and tears were not the answer that Alexis would need. Though admittedly they would be a comfort for her own tears, Kate knew that when she saw her dad crying after her mother's death it only furthered her own pain. Her dad, the toughest man she ever knew didn't cry.

Just like she didn't cry.

"Detective Beckett?" She heard the fear in Alexis' voice even before she saw the girl, and that fear propelled her out of her chair and into the hall where she met the young Castle with open arms.

Alexis fell against her chest and buried her head into her shoulder tears falling freely onto Kate's shoulder, causing more tears to form in her eyes. Kate would not let them fall, not right now at least.

"Kate, Alexis. Call me Kate." Kate felt more than saw the nod that she got in reply, and Alexis wrapped her arms more firmly around Kate's waist.

"What happened?" The whispered question didn't surprise Kate in the least. A million things had run through her head in response to that question, but only one leapt to the foreground.

So instead of ranting that he was an idiot that didn't stay where it was safe, like she'd told him a million times, she gave the simply complex, "He was being a hero."

Instead of saying anything more Kate walked with Alexis back into the silent waiting room and sat side by side holding hands. It was an odd act of comfort they could provide each other and as Alexis leaned her head on her shoulder Kate smiled through her pain and watched as Ryan and Esposito sat across from them.

Time stopped. Instead of the passing of seconds into minutes into hours, it became the coming and going of people. The up and down of man waiting on his son. The back and forth of nurses outside their little bubble and the faint heartbeat of Alexis Castle that she could feel in her clasped hand.

How much real time had passed, Kate didn't know, but when finally a man, who was obviously a doctor, the room collectively held a breath wondering who's fate had been decided by the miracles of modern science.

"Richard Castle?" The four of them stood as the rest of the room dejectedly went back to their pacing and waiting.

"Come with me." They all followed him, and Alexis kept a firm grasp on her hand as she walked by her side. Kate was both thankful and appreciative of the silent strength that Alexis had. Though Kate knew that she was the one offering comfort here, having Alexis there made things better. It didn't make any sense, this was possibly the worst place for a child to be, but if Rick was right, Alexis was a lot stronger than most teenagers.

The followed the doctor in his blue scrubs to a room, and he gathered them in a semi circle. Kate strained her head to see where they were, but the doctor's voice drew her attention back to him.

"So, Mr. Castle will be fine." Kate let out a breath she hadn't known she was holding and heard Alexis do the same thing. Ryan and Esposito high fived and the doctor smiled as he continued. "The bullet completely missed everything. Lungs, kidneys, stomach, spleen, liver. Everything. To be honest I've never seen a cleaner path."

"Can we see him?" Alexis asked, all traces of her fear gone, and the strong set of her father's determination on her young face.

"Uhh, sure. He is still sedated and hooked up to the respirator, but you can go see him. Not for long though, he does need his rest."

They all nodded, and the doctor held his hand into the room and Alexis sped into the room, leaving Kate with her two partners in the hall.

She held out her back to Ryan and he took it giving her and odd look. "In there is the gun that Castle was shot with. Get it to ballistics and catch this guy. We are the NYPD, when one of our gets shot we get them. No matter what."

"You got it boss." That came from Esposito, but they both turned and walked away from her.

Alone in the hall Kate leaned against the doorframe and watched Alexis with her dad. She brushed the hair out of his face, and straightened his sheets before grabbing his hand. Kate could see the tears fall down her cheeks, and she wanted nothing more than to comfort her again. This time, however, she felt her presence would be an intrusion on the family moment that Alexis was having.

"Kate." The girl called over her shoulder, not taking her eyes off her father.

"Yeah?" She called back.

"Come here please."

Kate complied and walked into the room, feeling lighter than she could ever remember feeling, coming to a stop by Alexis' side.

"Can you stay with me tonight? Grandmother is in LA doing a film and she won't be back until tomorrow." Kate wanted to resist. Staying with her meant staying in his home. But she was also powerless to resist. This was basically his last request to her, and her discovery of how deeply she cared for him caused her to nod her head and wind her arm around the girl's waist.

"Thank you." Alexis bent forward and swiftly kissed her father's forehead, whispering words that Kate couldn't hear. She turned just as quickly and left.

Kate started to follow her, but was drawn back to Rick's side. Closing her eyes, she knew why she'd felt light as she walked into the room.

The heart monitor attached to him was giving a steady rhythm. He heart matched it's beat to his as she gave him a kiss of her own and turned to follow Alexis. Her crumbling world putting self together again to the shared beat of their hearts.

* * *

_**Disclaimer:** There wasn't a new Castle on tonight.... that makes me sad. I don't own Castle by the way._

_**AN:** First... this has a disjointed feel because that is the way Kate feels right now. I didn't know how else to explain that. So here it is.  
Did you like it?  
I don't have anything really witty to say right now.  
But it's bed time.  
So hasta la vista... baby.  
I need to stop watching Terminator.  
Hey... if I wrote a Terminator story, would anyone read it?  
Let me know._

_Happy hunting._


	4. Free, Free at Last

"_**But Lord knows that this world is cruel,  
and I ain't the Lord, no I'm just a fool,  
learning loving someone don't make 'em love you.  
Must I always be waiting, waiting on you?  
Must I always be playing, playing your fool."  
– Sitting, Waiting, Wishing – Jack Johnson. **_

"Come on man, help a brother out." Richard Castle whispered into his smuggled phone. He'd been contained in his hospital bed for eight straight days with only hospital food to eat. He needed something real.

A street vendor pretzel, a fresh bagel, a slice of pizza... anything that wasn't prepared in the hospital cafeteria would suffice for his craving.

"Castle I am not going to get in trouble from your daughter for bringing you contraband." Esposito's voice was filled with a serious note of mischief and Rick knew he was close to getting his sweet taste of the streets of New York.

He dropped his voice another decibel knowing that he was treading thin ice making this call, but he needed food, real food. "Esposito, I am serious. Bring me food and I will make it worth your while."

"Fine Castle," he hissed. "I'll bring you a pretzel."

"Hot mustard!" He practically shouted as Alexis walked into his room.

Throwing the receiver back at the cradle he turned and faced Alexis hitching an innocent look onto his face he smiled.

"Who is bringing you what?" His daughter asked, and he knew again that he was busted. That kid was so smart; he often wondered how he ever thought he could fool her.

"Uh... no one." He lied anyway, hoping that she would let it go. He would play the _'I just got shot' _card as a last resort, knowing that he had sufficiently made it into a joke now. Though both Alexis and Beckett got serious looks whenever he brought it up, but he preferred Ryan and Esposito's reactions better.

They laughed with him as they always did, as if nothing serious had happened.

"Right, well next time don't shout 'hot mustard' when I'm walking in the room, and you should be all right." She came and gave him a tight hug, which he returned just as tight. She had been doing that lately, hugging him tightly. Probably in some passive way to hold on to him long, but he didn't really mind.

"I'm sorry. I've had enough Jell-O to last me a lifetime. Please, one hot pretzel, and I will gladly eat this for as long as I am here." She smiled and placed the bag she was carrying on the bed beside him.

"If you had only waited an hour, we could have stopped anywhere you like."

He sighed and looked into the bag and made as disappointed noise that he could muster. Clothes. Clean clothes and a pair of shoes. He was finally getting to leave. He had wanted to leave just as soon as he had woken up, but he hadn't been allowed.

"Can we still stop? Please Alexis? I beg you. I will be on my best behaviour."

She just smiled and pushed the bag closer to him. He knew that she was going to let him go anywhere.

Grabbing the bag, he gently swung himself out of the bed and hobbled towards the bathroom. He could walk easily enough, and the pain in his side was gone for the most part, but it still twitched a bit every time he took a step. His gait wasn't affected at all, but he purposely stepped lightly.

Once in the bathroom behind the locked door, he pulled off his hospital gown and got to work dressing. In a move so unlike himself he had so far avoided seeing his would. The doctor had told him the worst part of the wound was that he had lost a lot of blood, but he couldn't bring himself to look at it.

He knew it had been a foolish thing fighting that guy, but he was pointing his gun at Beckett, and that he wouldn't stand for. He hadn't thought of how dangerous it would be for a second once he realised that her life was in danger. Then he'd done what he had to do to protect her.

Some job he'd done of that too. When he was trying to save her, he had been the one that needed saving. As it usually ran in fiction. Luckily this wasn't fiction, and he had come out of it practically unscarred.

But now, as he pulled up his jeans he turned and faced the mirror shirtless and looked at himself. Four inches above the denim waist his side was covered with gauze. Tapped down on all sides the white stood out brightly from his skin, and as he started to peel it off, he was thankful for the first time that he wasn't an overly hairy man.

Once revealed the hole that had caused so much pain and damage stood even more shockingly out. A massive red hole, haphazardly stitched together tinged with pink around the edges. He could already see some lines of healing going on, and thought it had been painful he knew the scar it would leave behind would be worth it.

Also that, in that moment, he had saved Detective Beckett. Foolish as it may have been, he was alive, as was she, and that was what he would remember.

Covering it back up, he thought back over his last week. Flowers and cards had been delivered almost hourly; his fan sites had been overloaded with messages, and his mother had flown home as soon as she could have. He, of course, sent her back to LA to finish her movie, knowing that Alexis was safe.

The only thing that was bothering him was how little Beckett had visited him. He knew that she had stayed with Alexis the first three nights, a debt that he would never fully be able to repay, and that she looked in on her for the other four nights.

She had been by once with Alexis, and even then she had sat in the background, not really participating in the conversation. He knew she must be awfully mad at him, for what he wasn't sure, but for him to avoid him like this, he knew he must have done something stupid.

Except he couldn't remember exactly what it was that he had done. His world, and memory, became blurry from when he was shot, to the time he came out from his sedation. Ryan had told him that it was a total of 76 hours that he was missing, and Castle often wondered what was said between them.

Instead of dwelling on those facts, like he had for the past three days, he slid into his shirt, excited about getting to sleep in his own bed and eat ice cream. Deciding not to tuck in the purple button down shirt Alexis brought him, he left the bathroom and moved back into the room. To his surprise Ryan, Esposito, Lanie and even Beckett where there waiting for him.

"Hey!" The three closest to him shouted and he smiled, thankful for these people. They were more than just the people he worked with, they had truly become his friends. Forgoing the fact that Beckett stayed in the background, he walked into Lanie's hug, wrapping his arms around her.

"Castle, you lucky you ain't dead. If you had been on my table, I'd have killed you." She lightly slapped his cheek and he looked at her in mock indignation.

"Thanks for the hug Dr. Parish." He said as she released him.

Instead of hugging the guys, they did their secret handshake, then high fived. Esposito held up a pretzel and Castle nearly melted, thanking his luck in friends.

"Thank you," he said stuffing a rounded corner of the pastry into his mouth. "Really, thank you."

Everyone laughed, and Castle smiled widely around his full mouth as Alexis hugged Beckett. He was glad that Alexis had her through this. Beckett was strong that way, in every way really, and was a good thing for his daughter. He already knew that Alexis liked Beckett, and he suspected the feeling was mutual as she wrapped his daughter in a hug.

"Alexis has agreed to let me eat anything I want, who's up for take-out at my house?" He asked, quickly adding, "My treat."

Three instant 'yes's' met his question, but he could see the hesitation on the female detective's face. He knew that she wasn't overly fond of him in the first place, though having admitted that she enjoyed having him around, but that didn't stop his feelings.

He had liked her for some time. It had started the way all of his feelings did, in his pants. But when he realised that more than that was involved in what he was feeling for her, he had stopped trying to win her over like some fan-girl that would jump at the chance to be with him.

It had taken little time for him to realise that Kate Beckett was a real woman, a woman with class and tact that he couldn't easily win over with just his name and money. It had taken a lot longer for him to realise that she was just the kind of woman he was looking for.

He was a writer and he felt extraordinarily cliché saying that she was everything that he didn't know that he needed, but it most times when he looked into her deep sea green eyes; he understood why the statement was cliché.

"Detective Beckett?" He asked, knowing that he had a hopelessly hopeful look on his face, practically begging her to come with him.

"Come on Kate, it'll be fun." His daughter fought for his side, and Castle was gleeful that she was his daughter.

Beckett looked as helpless to resist Alexis as he was, because after what looked an intense struggle and a prod by Lanie she nodded, and Castle danced a happy dance inside his head.

"Let's go." He said happily stuffing another huge bite of the now warm pretzel into his mouth, following the five of them out of the hospital.

*

Stifling a huge yawn, Castle looked on as Lanie, Alexis, Ryan and Esposito rocked out to 'It's My Life' by Bon Jovi on his Rock Band. They looked like they were having fun, and he wished he could join them. But he'd been regulated to the couch by Alexis who knew how extravagant he could be once he got that plastic guitar in his hands.

He'd volunteered to sing, but that had been pronounced a unanimously bad idea by his guests. So instead he sat on the opposite end of the couch from Beckett and watched his friends and daughter have fun.

The afternoon had progressed much the same way, a look at all of his toys and a few minutes playing with each one. A pleasant meal shared, and then to the living room for some Rock Band. Not that he minded, it was fun being out of the hospital, but he was exhausted for some reason, and he was sure he had a pretty good idea what that reason was.

"Oh oh," Lanie's sing song voice filled the silence as the last bars of the song played. "Writer-boy is getting tired. We should let him rest."

Ever the good host, he clumsily got to his feet and walked them to his door. Ryan and Esposito were the first to leave, secret handshakes and high fives all around. Lanie followed next saying that it was about time she got to see his home, and that he didn't need to get shot every time he wanted to have friends over.

Shockingly Beckett was last to leave, and she lingered in his doorway, struggling with some internal battle.

"Detective, thank you for coming," He whispered, Alexis' eavesdropping ears just through his small foyer and within listening distance. He wanted to say more, to wash away the worry that lined her face. It pained him that she looked the way she did, knowing in large part that it was his fault that she looked that way.

Without warning she wrapped him in a hug tight enough to rival Alexis' hugs of late. He reacted instantly wrapping his arms around her waist and burying his face in her arms. Slight trembles ran through her body, and he rubbed one hand up and down her back trying to soothe her. He didn't know what brought on this out of character display of affection, but he wasn't going to question it when he finally had her in his arms.

"I'm glad you're okay." Was all she said as she quickly disentangled herself from him and flitted out the door. Leaving him in shock and cold as she disappeared around the corner towards the elevators.

Closing the door behind her, he leaned against it taking a deep breath, pondering why she hugged him like that.

"Dad," Alexis called coming into the foyer. "You heard the Doctor. Time for you to rest up to bed."

He nodded at her overbearing attitude and saluted her as he walked by heading for his room. "Yes ma'am."

There he knew he would lie surrounded by his blanket and thoughts of Detective Beckett and the enigma that she was proving herself to be.

* * *

_**Disclaimer: **Nope... stil don't own Castle. I mean it's only been a day since I last said that. Give me a break._

_**AN: **Speaking of which... you guys are getting horribly spoiled with an update a day. What kind of person am I... to do that.  
A nice one... that's what.  
I'm not to sure about tomorrow though.  
Got another story on the go that I've kind of been neglegting. Gotta do that.  
Castle and Beckett just kind of took over my brain though.  
So... don't hold your breath... possibily Thursday. That is my plan.  
And I'm sticking to it.  
You have been great at reviewing... but I'd love a few more. Pretty please?  
With a promise of some Castle/Beckett LEMON (or smut if you prefer.)  
I'm not holding the story hostage for reviews... but I get 15 reviews for this chapter, I promise to do some serious... SERIOUS... whatever you wanna call it._

_Happy hunting._


	5. Late Night Call

"_**I miss the sound of your voice the loudest thing in my head  
**__**and I ache to remember all the violent, sweet, perfect words that you said.  
**__**If I could walk on water, if I could tell you what's next.  
**__**Make you believe make you forget.  
**__**So come on get higher loosen my lips,  
**__**faith and desire and the swing of your hips  
**__**just pull me down hard and drown me in love."  
-- Come On Get Higher -- Matt Nathanson**_

Kate Becket rolled over in her for what seemed liked the millionth time. She didn't normally have this much trouble falling asleep, but now there was more crowding her mind than the usual murderers, criminals and all around lawlessness.

Richard Castle, who normally took up residence in her dreams or fantasies, now stood largely in her mind, taking up grand masses of her mental energy.

Like right now. She wouldn't ever admit this to anyone, but she missed his smell. She had spent her nights with Alexis in his bed. She had refused to sleep there at first, simply unable to spend the night there for fear of what it would mean.

But Alexis had insisted and like at the hospital she was powerless to resist. She had fully intended to sleep on the floor, to spend her nights there on the floor. She would mess the blankets and sheets so if Alexis looked in it would appear that she had slept there when she really hadn't.

Then Alexis had come in, and like the child she really was, and climbed into the bed asking to watch a movie with her. So, she had climbed into his bed, smell enveloping her, and her mind running circles with how many times she had envisioned herself in this bed.

She had fallen asleep part way through the movie and the next day had woken to and empty bed. Alexis, sweet child that she was, had made her coffee and breakfast, and Kate smiled warmly at her as the girl came to her for a hug.

Kate wasn't exactly sure why Alexis was acting this way, she knew why in general, but why with her? They didn't know each other very well, sure she had given her advice and enjoyed the girls company, but that was the extent of their relationship.

But now, as she rolled over once again in her own bed, she longed to be back in his. His arms, his bed... whatever she was afraid of admitting she wanted, she wanted.

A lot.

Then came the memory of her hug. Her cheeks burned with a blush like they had when she had done it. Of course she had acted on impulse, something she rarely did, but she had felt comforted in that moment. When he was alive and safe away from the hospital, she had finally given him the hug she longed to give him.

Her heart thrilled as he hugged her back, and she took a deep breath of his smell, and carried it back in the hopes that she could fall asleep quickly tonight and not be plagued with thoughts of him.

Sighing she rolled onto her back spreading her arms wide a macabre hope for her cell phone to ringing call her to a case. Though she knew that the likely hood of that was slim, she had been put on the sidelines pending an IA investigation due to Castle's 'consultant' title.

Just as the wish for her to hear the ringing of her phone, her ring tone sounded loudly in the silent, dark room.

Violently groping for her phone she grabbed it up and looked at the screen. The ring hadn't been a call; it had been a text message. Her clock showed that it was after midnight and she wondered who had the audacity to text her had this time of the night.

"Castle. Of course." She sighed in happiness opening the message.

'KB you awake?'

She quickly typed back. 'Yes.'

She rolled back onto her back and held the phone close to her heart, knowing that in his apartment on the Upper East Side, he was lying awake. She added silently to herself that he was probably thinking about her too, and those words caused a smile to leap to her face.

She knew that she was acting like a lovesick teenager, but she honestly felt like one too. The lines from the old Joni Mitchell song 'Big Yellow Taxi' ran through her head, and she knew the folk singer was correct. _"Don't it always seem to go; you don't know what you've got 'till it's gone."_

She hadn't known the depth of her own feelings until she feared that he might die. She'd fought it, denied it, even pushed away the very notion that she liked Richard Castle. She was attracted to him physically, she had no doubts about that, but it was the other parts she was afraid to admit.

The emotional parts, that's what she was afraid of. Loving someone meant the possibility of getting hurt. If she was good at anything, it was preventing herself from harm. Falling in love with him was dangerous, a slippery slope she wasn't sure she was willing to tread.

Then again, as her phone beeped once more, knowing the message was from him as all it took for a sense of giddiness to overtake her.

She was slightly disgusted with herself.

'Can I call you?'

'Of course.' She sent back, hoping that the two words wouldn't convey how excited she was at the prospect of hearing his voice.

Seconds later, her phone rang and she answered it before the first bars of the song were finished.

"Castle." She whispered, the darkness of her room asking a sense of quiet from her.

"Beckett. Can't sleep?" He asked both a question and statement.

She sighed, glad that he was on the phone with her.

"Nope."

"In lieu of meaningless phone chat, wanna meet me somewhere?" She could honestly say that it was the first time she was glad that he was as straightforward as he had the annoying tendency to be.

"Yes." She answered instantly, already climbing out of her bed and walking towards her closet.

"To be totally cliché, Serendipity in half an hour?"

"Serendipity, half an hour." She repeated.

"See you soon KB." She smiled at his nickname for her, and hung up her phone only after she heard the click of his phone disconnecting the line.

*

They were seated at a rounded booth, side by side sharing an ice cream sundae. Though it was bad for her hips, Kate indulged in the confection with him. The dish itself was huge and it contained two flavours of ice cream.

Though the company and dessert were enough to send her heart dancing a happy dance, the fact that wouldn't leave her mind is that under the table, their knees were touching. It wasn't anything intimate, or romantic, just the simple contact between them was enough to sent tendrils of heat and electricity through her.

"Kate," she normally forbade him from calling her by her first name, but the slice of time she found herself in him demanded that sense of intimacy given names had. He wasn't Castle, or Richard Castle here, here he was Rick, the man she was sharing an ice cream with at a time when they should both be asleep. "Are you mad at me?"

The question startled her. They had been talking non-stop since they arrived an hour ago, but this was the first time that they had ventured into the realm of feelings between the two of them.

"No, of course not. Why would I be mad at you?" She asked him back, her spoon stilled in the dish. His spoon hadn't moved either, but she could tell that he was fiddling with it, a nervous habit she'd seen on him more than once.

"It's just, you didn't visit me in the hospital, and I was wondering why." She sensed a note of uncertainty in the normally calm and cool Richard Castle. It shocked her more than the feelings she was discovering in herself for the man.

"No Rick, I'm not mad at you. Which is odd because I am always mad at you." He nodded and laughed along with her, his deep chuckle sending more waves of pleasure through her. "No, it's something else."

"What?" He asked, sliding the dish away from both of them. His body shifted, bringing his knee closer to hers and she smiled at the increased contact.

"Embarrassment." She finally admitted.

His hand lifted off the table and he grabbed her hand. Shocked at his move, she allowed his thumb to trace small circles on the back of her hand as she drummed a little staccato beat against his palm. "About what?"

She had been wondering about this. She kissed him, on the lips. A totally impulsive move on her part, and she had though she would never let it down. She'd been avoiding him and other people together because she didn't want him to make a spectacle about it. She would do it again in the same situation, but it was a private thing between them.

She wasn't normally a fan of public displays of affection, but sitting here eating ice cream with him her attention had been draw to his lips more than once, and she'd been wondering what kissing him as he kissed back would feel like.

"Surely you could figure it out." She responded, a test to see if he was just yanking her proverbial chain.

"No. I've thought about it a lot, and the last thing I remember clearly is shopping with you." He answered honestly.

"You don't remember anything after you got shot." Even saying it caused her to wince. Her life without him had passed before her eyes, and she realised that more than not wanting to become a notch on his bedpost, she didn't want to live life not knowing what kissing Richard Castle was like.

Not that she knew now, but that was neither here nor there.

"Nope. Everything after that until I wake up is basically gone."

She sighed and gave a little laugh. The first time that she had kissed him, and he didn't even remember it.

"Interesting." She said.

"What? Now I'm curious."

"I kissed you." She watched as his eyebrows rose and his face contorted in surprise.

"I kiss that bad that you had to avoid me?" He asked in his childlike sing song voice.

"No," she slapped his shoulder. "I was afraid that you'd make it into a joke."

He nodded, understanding crossing his face. Her hand still in his, fingers drumming and tracing, he raised his other to her cheek and she tipped her face fully into his cupped palm. "Wanna try again?" He asked in a whisper.

Words escaped her, so she simply nodded and allowed her eyes to flutter closed as he gently pulled her lips to his.

Her mind went blissfully blank as his warm lips moved over hers. She slipped her free hand into the hair at the nape of his neck and held him in place as she deepened the kiss.

If she had known then what she knew know, she wouldn't have waited until he was almost gone from his life to kiss Richard Castle.  


* * *

_**Disclaimer: **I don't own Castle._

_**AN: **So I lied... it's early.  
So no fifteen reviews, no Castle/Beckett smut from me.  
That's sad._

_Oh well._

Happy hunting.


	6. IA1035628

_**"So I won't hesitate no more, no more  
It cannot wait, I'm sure.  
**__**There's no need to complicate,  
**__**Our time is short,  
**__**This is our fate. I'm Yours."  
-- I'm Yours -- Jason Mraz**_

"So," Richard Castle could tell so much was going to go wrong on the IA officer's one word, and suddenly he didn't feel so calm and collected. The last time he'd been on this side of the table was the first time he'd decided that Detective Beckett was a woman worth chasing. Though admittedly he'd been chasing her skirt at first; he'd soon started in the race for her heart.

Their kiss from the night before echoed through his mind, and his lips burned with desire. Other parts of him burned with desire, but that was inappropriate to think of at the moment, so he focused his attention back onto the man interrogating him.

Interviewing him. Interviewing. The suit across from him switched on a tape recorder

"Mr Castle, we are here in an official New York Police Department Internal Affairs investigation, involving the incident occurring on the date June 22, 2010. Investigation number 'IA-1035268'."

Castle nodded, already bored with this 'official' investigation, but he knew he must go through with it. More than his ability to continue working with Beckett and her team hung in the balance.

"Tell me, in detail please, what events led to the shooting." Castle sighed, having gone through this several times already. He knew that Beckett was doing the same thing right now, and that was his motivating factor in not being a sarcastic ass, her words, not his.

"We'd just finished updating Mr Collins on the status of his wife's case, and were headed back to the precinct to meet up with Ryan and Esposito. A fan stopped us and asked for my autograph, so we stopped. Then we decided to stop at the local grocery to pick up some lunch.

Just as we were about to pay for our purchases two gunmen burst into the store and held us up. There was a struggle and after I was hit, the man dropped the gun and ran. The detective secured her man and tended to me."

"Are you aware Mr Castle, that because of Detective Beckett's actions regarding you and the second robber, that man is still not in custody?"

He didn't know that. All that Castle had been told regarding the matter was from Ryan and Esposito. The gun had no record, a sure sign that the robbers were pros and had done the smash and grab before. The partner in custody had refused a deal and not rolled on his partner.

But in all of that, no one had told him Beckett had broken serious department protocol by staying with him and not going after the guy who ran away. The realization of that shocked him. She had purposely broken protocol to save his life.

What did that mean? He rubbed his lips remembering the kiss from last night. He'd learned that all of his assumptions about Kate Beckett and her feelings regarding him were vastly wrong. Where he thought her indifferent, she wanted him as much as he wanted her.

A fact that he truly was surprised to find.

"No. I wasn't aware of that. I assume that the in the minute between the shot and her getting to me, she decided that the suspect wouldn't be apprehended easily. Besides, she already had the first guy."

"Beside the point Mr Castle."

"So what is the point?" He questioned, slipping into the sarcastic ass that Beckett warned him not to be. The man across from him groaned and rolled his eyes.

"The point, Mr Castle, is to ascertain exactly how it came to be you got shot. You are a consultant with the NYPD. You don't carry a gun, and it falls to Detective Beckett to protect you from harm. Had she done her job, you would not have been shot and we would not be having this conversation."

It was then that Castle knew this was basically a witch hunt. He knew that other members of the NYPD outside of the 12th precinct were uncomfortable with him there. Knew that they questioned Beckett's professional integrity for allowing him to follow her. What wasn't common knowledge among the force in blue was his relationship with the mayor, who basically steam rolled Beckett into it.

But none of that was her fault. The blame for his being shot, if it had to fall to anyone but the man who pulled the trigger, was his to bear. If he had stayed behind her, which her body language asked him to, he wouldn't have been shot.

She would have. And that was unacceptable to him.

"Detective Beckett did do her job," he knew he sounded angry, and it was because he was. His actions had once again dragged her name through the dirt. "She stepped in front of me in the first place. It wasn't until I engaged the second man that I was shot."

"Why did you have to engage him?"

"Because she didn't have time to draw her weapon. The second gunman was on her instantly. The door opened after them, distracting them both enough for Beckett engage the first man. The second pointed his gun at her, and that's when I got involved."

"But you're not a trained officer. What made you think you had the necessary skills to successfully disarm and apprehend the man?"

"I dunno. Action movies." If Beckett found out how insubordinate and sarcastic he was being, she would surely shoot him herself.

"Sorry?" The man asked.

"I acted on instinct okay." He wouldn't say the words he was trying to protect her. He couldn't. He hadn't even told Beckett why he'd done what he did. Didn't know if he would tell her the truth if she did ask.

Kate Beckett was proud in an odd sort of way. The sort of way that would make her angry if she learned that he was trying to protect her. She was always telling him to stay in the car and not be a hero.

He should have learned by now that he should listen to her.

"So what you're saying is that you acted on instinct, and your instinct was to wrestle a man to the ground and try and take his gun?" There was a disbelieving tone in his voice that Castle didn't like.

A host of sarcastic comments rose to his lips and he swallowed them back down, a silent sign of respect for his partner. So instead of saying anything he simply nodded, hoping that the interview would be over soon.

But he was right the first time; it was more interrogation than interview.

"Just one last question Mr Castle, you have a family that depends on you, a mother and daughter, would you do the same thing a second time in the same situation?"

His answer came as fast as the words implied. "In a heartbeat."

**

"Captain Montgomery?" Castle asked knocking on the frame of the captain's open door.

"Yes Castle, come in."

Castle walked into the room, his usually calm exterior back in place and a smile on his face. He knew Beckett was still in her interview because she hadn't been at her desk, so he decided to stop by the captain's office.

"I'm sorry I didn't visit you in the hospital Rick. You stirred up quite the storm. Tabloids calling day and night to confirm your death. Respectable newspapers calling to get an exclusive from my detectives, I didn't even have time to get coffee through all the calls."

Castle laughed, his publishers had been endued with the same volume of calls about the same subjects. "Yeah well Oprah called me to get an interview."

"Oprah Winfrey, really? When do you leave for Chicago?" The captain asked, a smiled on his face and a laugh in his voice.

"I don't, I'm waiting for Ellen." He replied quickly.

"Well I'm glad you're okay man."

"Thank you." The both sat down laughing, the hustle and bustle of the busy precinct not touching them inside the office. "You still okay with me following Detective Beckett?"

He asked the serious question first, hoping to get it out of the way. According to his Doctor, Lanie, Alexis and Beckett he wasn't allowed back on a case until he was fully healed, but he needed to know he was welcome back when that time came.

"Of course Rick, and not just because of the good publicity you bring to the department. We kind of like having you around."

Rick smiled, the same happy feeling of having the team over at his house washing over him. He was used to being loved, but that was as a celebrity, he wasn't generally used to being appreciated as a person.

Before either man could say anything another knock sounded on the door frame and Castle turned to see Beckett standing in the doorway. A larger smile lit up his face as he turned to look at her, waves of happiness at her presence filling him.

"Castle, would you like to join me for lunch?" She asked a smile as large as his on her face. Castle looked to the captain who had a knowing smile on, and the man nodded, waving his hand towards the door.

"You kids go. I've still got paper work to file about all this."

Castle stood and shook hands with the captain glad for the permission to return.

"You have a specific place in mind?" He asked, the urge to take her hand in his overwhelming. He didn't though, keeping himself in check, knowing that she wasn't fond of PDA's. He could shout his feelings from atop the nearest clock tower, but he also knew that Kate Beckett was an inherently private person. Whatever was happening between them, was between them.

And for now he liked it that way. Because right now she was his, and his alone, and he didn't have to share that information with anyone.

Once they got into the elevator and were riding it alone, she surprised him and took his hand briefly, squeezing his fingers with hers. The action sent shivers of electricity through him and his body chilled as the doors opened and she let his hand go.

"Anywhere with you is fine by me." Her answer let his whole body up like a Christmas tree, and he smiled following her out of the elevator like he knew he would follow her as long as she would let him.

* * *

_**Discalimer: **If I say 'I don't own Castle' one more time, people are going to accuse me of being a broken record. Seriously._

_**AN: **So... for the next chapter, if this were a facebook page my status would read 'Jessie is wondering if she should change the rating of her story.'  
Of course, you would all have to respond, weighing in with your two cents.  
Question. Why is it 'a penny for your thoughts.' but you opinion is you two cents?  
Where is that extra penny going?  
Because if popular neuroscience is right the average person thinks 10,000 thoughts a day. That's TEN THOUSAND pennys. Which equals to 100 dollars. I could use an extra hindred dollars a day simply for my thoughts.  
Couldn't we all?  
So again... rating change 'T' to 'M'...  
What do you, the people, think.  
This is, after all, a democracy._

_Happy Hunting._


End file.
